On the outside, you look like you have it all figured out. You hit your deadlines, you remember your friends’ birthdays, and your house is (mostly) clean. People call you “the reliable one” or “a natural overachiever.” But on the inside? It’s a different story. It’s a 2:00 AM mental replay of a conversation you had three days ago. It’s a racing heart before a simple Zoom call. It’s the constant, nagging feeling that if you stop moving, even for a second, everything will come crashing down.
This is the world of High-Functioning Anxiety (HFA). It isn’t a clinical diagnosis, but it is a very real experience for millions of women. Unlike typical anxiety that can be paralyzing, HFA is a “propelling” anxiety. It drives you forward, but it does so by burning your internal fuel at a dangerous rate. If we don’t manage the fire, burnout isn’t just a possibility—it’s an inevitability.
The “Checklist” Trap: Why Perfectionism is Eating Your Energy
For a woman with high-functioning anxiety, a to-do list isn’t just an organization tool; it’s a moral compass. If the boxes aren’t checked, you feel like a failure. This leads to what psychologists call “maladaptive perfectionism.”
The problem is that your brain doesn’t distinguish between a life-or-death crisis and a missed email. You are constantly in “fight or flight” mode, which floods your body with cortisol.
The Real-Life Tool: Practice the “Rule of Three.” Instead of a list of 20 tasks, choose only three non-negotiables for the day. Anything else you do is a bonus. This retrains your brain to accept that “enough is enough,” reducing the background noise of guilt that fuels your anxiety.
Strategic Rest vs. Passive Rest
One of the hardest things for a woman with HFA to do is actually rest. When you sit on the couch to watch a movie, your brain is likely screaming at you about the laundry or that project you could be starting.
Passive rest (scrolling TikTok or watching TV) often feels unsatisfying because your mind is still racing. You need Strategic Rest. This is rest that actively engages your parasympathetic nervous system.
- Weighted Blankets: Science shows that deep pressure stimulation can significantly lower your heart rate.
- The 4-7-8 Breathing Technique: It’s a literal kill-switch for your nervous system. Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. It forces your heart rate to slow down, telling your brain: “We are safe.”
- Body Doubling: If you feel anxious doing chores alone, call a friend or put on a “clean with me” video. Having that “presence” reduces the internal pressure to be perfect.
Learning the Art of the “No” (Without the Apology)
High-functioning anxiety often manifests as people-pleasing. You say “yes” to every committee, every favor, and every extra task because you’re terrified of disappointing someone or being seen as “not enough.”+1
Here is a hard truth: Every ‘yes’ you give to someone else is a ‘no’ you are giving to your own mental health.
The Real-Life Tool: The “24-Hour Buffer.” When someone asks for a favor or invites you somewhere, never answer immediately. Use the phrase: “That sounds interesting, let me check my calendar and get back to you tomorrow.” This creates a space between your anxious “must-please” impulse and your actual capacity. Usually, by the next day, the “need” to please has faded, and you can give an honest answer.
Re-Writing the Internal Script
Anxiety is essentially a storyteller—it just happens to be a very bad one. It tells you that if you don’t answer that email at 9 PM, your boss will hate you. It tells you that if you weren’t “productive” today, you don’t deserve to relax tonight.
To survive HFA, you have to become an editor. When an anxious thought arises, ask it: “Is this a fact, or is this a feeling?”
- Feeling: “I’m behind on everything and I’m failing.”
- Fact: “I have finished 2 out of 5 tasks today, and I am tired. I can finish the rest tomorrow.”
When to Seek a Bigger Toolbox
We like to think we can “life-hack” our way out of everything, but high-functioning anxiety can take a physical toll on your heart, your digestion, and your hormones. If your “propelling” anxiety has turned into a constant state of dread, or if you find yourself using caffeine or alcohol to manage your moods, it’s time to talk to a professional.
Therapy isn’t for people who “can’t handle it”—it’s for people who want to handle it better. You’ve spent your life being a powerhouse for everyone else. It’s time to use some of that energy on yourself.